Questions and Answers
A friend of mine called me last night, saying "You haven't blogged all week." "Well," I answered without thinking, "I haven't eaten anything all week!"
Of course I have been eating. What I meant was I haven't eaten anything new or anything interesting. I've mainly been eating plain fruits and veggies in an attempt to shed a few pounds before summer temperatures force me out of long pants. So, since I don't have any interesting food to blog about, I thought I'd take a few minutes while E. is at the swimming pool with friends and answer a few of the questions that I've been too busy to answer.
By email, L. writes:
How do you maintain your veganism around friends and family that don't eat this way? How do you go out to eat when people visit? My husband still eats meat, and his mother is always bringing meat products and processed foods I cannot stand into my house. I cannot control what he eats, but it is very difficult for me to avoid some of these tempting foods, and I am a difficult person to go to a restaurant with unless I go vegetarian. I have been only vegetarian for the past few months due to stress and travel and I feel terrible. I am gaining weight and feeling depressed.
I do have an extended family that is not vegetarian, but to various degrees they've accepted our diet and try to accommodate us when we visit. When others visit us, I have tried to enforce a strict policy of "no meat in my house," but in practical application it hasn't worked. We've had people stay with us during hurricane evacuations and on friendly visits, and I can't ask people who eat completely different from us not to bring the foods they are used to eating. I do ask that they keep them in coolers, rather than in my fridge, and generally they do not expect to cook them on my stove.
Can you ask your husband to speak to his mother about your diet? Perhaps if you tell him how much stress it is causing you he will understand. Can he be persuaded to eat meat only when he is out of the house? Then he could visit his mother to eat the kinds of foods she wants to bring him.
As for dining out, I'm in the "make do" school of thought. Usually when I'm eating with other people, they will ask for restaurant suggestions and I steer them toward places that have something vegan on the menu. If I get to a restaurant and nothing's vegan, I'll ask if something special can be prepared. If that fails, I'll sit and have a drink and enjoy the conversation--I can always eat later. Also, if I expect that I may have trouble finding something vegan on the menu, I eat before I go; often just a couple of pieces of fruit is enough to keep me from pouncing on someone's french fries.
Do any of you have some suggestions for L?
In the comments to the Roasted Vegetable Napoleons post, Teresa asked:
"What else do you have growing in your garden?"
Teresa, I don't have a very big yard, but I'm trying to make the most of what I do have. This year, we added a new vegetable patch on the side of our house where we'd had to cut down a tree. In that patch, I have four kinds of tomatoes (plum, cherry, grape, and yellow), two types of bell pepper (red and chocolate), poblano peppers, okra, japanese eggplants, rosemary, and lavender. They're all kind of crowded together, and the tomatoes are taking over.
In the backyard, I have a patch that's about 10x4 feet, and it contains two heirloom tomatoes, more peppers, okra, and eggplant as well as several perennial herbs (oregano that wants to run wild, parsley, French tarragon, and rosemary) and one red cabbage left over from the fall. In containers I have at least 5 different types of basil and one tomato plant.
Here are a few photos:
I love the purple stems and veins of eggplant plants.
This is E's tomato plant, the one that's planted in a pot and the only one that has a tomato close to ripening (that orange color you see in the back).
This basil is called "Purple Ruffles."
Here's a variegated basil that's so pretty that I haven't been able to bring myself to cut and eat it.
What do all of you have in your gardens?
Hannah asks, "Do you always make your own non-dairy milk? Do you think it is cheaper?"
I'd love to be able to say that I make all of our soymilk, but unfortunately I haven't found time to make it at all lately. Yes, I definitely think it's cheaper, if you just consider the money. But, if you figure in the time it takes to make it and clean up afterward, I'm not so sure. I've been finding soymilk on sale a lot recently, and I always buy a ton and stockpile it. I use the kind in the aseptic containers, which keep for months.
Well, that's all I have time for today. I apologize to anyone who has asked a question that I didn't answer. I love getting your emails and I always intend to reply, but sometimes just don't get around to it. Also, I have a very aggressive spam filter that often mistakes real messages for spam, so if you write and don't hear back from me, do try again. Unless you're trying to sell me something, get me to try or link to your product, or convince me to eat meat, I really don't mind if you keep writing until I remember to write back!
Of course I have been eating. What I meant was I haven't eaten anything new or anything interesting. I've mainly been eating plain fruits and veggies in an attempt to shed a few pounds before summer temperatures force me out of long pants. So, since I don't have any interesting food to blog about, I thought I'd take a few minutes while E. is at the swimming pool with friends and answer a few of the questions that I've been too busy to answer.
By email, L. writes:
How do you maintain your veganism around friends and family that don't eat this way? How do you go out to eat when people visit? My husband still eats meat, and his mother is always bringing meat products and processed foods I cannot stand into my house. I cannot control what he eats, but it is very difficult for me to avoid some of these tempting foods, and I am a difficult person to go to a restaurant with unless I go vegetarian. I have been only vegetarian for the past few months due to stress and travel and I feel terrible. I am gaining weight and feeling depressed.
So please tell me, is your husband a vegan? Was he before you began this lifestyle? How do you deal with restaurants and visitors, grandmothers and others that would gift you food. I am really trying to get back on track and would love to hear how another mother deals with this.
I do have an extended family that is not vegetarian, but to various degrees they've accepted our diet and try to accommodate us when we visit. When others visit us, I have tried to enforce a strict policy of "no meat in my house," but in practical application it hasn't worked. We've had people stay with us during hurricane evacuations and on friendly visits, and I can't ask people who eat completely different from us not to bring the foods they are used to eating. I do ask that they keep them in coolers, rather than in my fridge, and generally they do not expect to cook them on my stove.
Can you ask your husband to speak to his mother about your diet? Perhaps if you tell him how much stress it is causing you he will understand. Can he be persuaded to eat meat only when he is out of the house? Then he could visit his mother to eat the kinds of foods she wants to bring him.
As for dining out, I'm in the "make do" school of thought. Usually when I'm eating with other people, they will ask for restaurant suggestions and I steer them toward places that have something vegan on the menu. If I get to a restaurant and nothing's vegan, I'll ask if something special can be prepared. If that fails, I'll sit and have a drink and enjoy the conversation--I can always eat later. Also, if I expect that I may have trouble finding something vegan on the menu, I eat before I go; often just a couple of pieces of fruit is enough to keep me from pouncing on someone's french fries.
Do any of you have some suggestions for L?
In the comments to the Roasted Vegetable Napoleons post, Teresa asked:
"What else do you have growing in your garden?"
Teresa, I don't have a very big yard, but I'm trying to make the most of what I do have. This year, we added a new vegetable patch on the side of our house where we'd had to cut down a tree. In that patch, I have four kinds of tomatoes (plum, cherry, grape, and yellow), two types of bell pepper (red and chocolate), poblano peppers, okra, japanese eggplants, rosemary, and lavender. They're all kind of crowded together, and the tomatoes are taking over.
In the backyard, I have a patch that's about 10x4 feet, and it contains two heirloom tomatoes, more peppers, okra, and eggplant as well as several perennial herbs (oregano that wants to run wild, parsley, French tarragon, and rosemary) and one red cabbage left over from the fall. In containers I have at least 5 different types of basil and one tomato plant.
Here are a few photos:
I love the purple stems and veins of eggplant plants.
This is E's tomato plant, the one that's planted in a pot and the only one that has a tomato close to ripening (that orange color you see in the back).
This basil is called "Purple Ruffles."
Here's a variegated basil that's so pretty that I haven't been able to bring myself to cut and eat it.
What do all of you have in your gardens?
Hannah asks, "Do you always make your own non-dairy milk? Do you think it is cheaper?"
I'd love to be able to say that I make all of our soymilk, but unfortunately I haven't found time to make it at all lately. Yes, I definitely think it's cheaper, if you just consider the money. But, if you figure in the time it takes to make it and clean up afterward, I'm not so sure. I've been finding soymilk on sale a lot recently, and I always buy a ton and stockpile it. I use the kind in the aseptic containers, which keep for months.
Well, that's all I have time for today. I apologize to anyone who has asked a question that I didn't answer. I love getting your emails and I always intend to reply, but sometimes just don't get around to it. Also, I have a very aggressive spam filter that often mistakes real messages for spam, so if you write and don't hear back from me, do try again. Unless you're trying to sell me something, get me to try or link to your product, or convince me to eat meat, I really don't mind if you keep writing until I remember to write back!
posted by SusanV at 3:33 PM
19 Comments:
I loved this post, getting a little peek into your life, and into your garden! I love seeing all the things growing there. And to your reader who asked about veganism, I think persistence is a vegan's best friend. In my own experience, even the most vociferous opponents of veganism, be they friends or family, have backed down, and a surprising number of my family members are now wholly sympathetic to veganism, something I wouldn't have expected a couple of years ago. In some ways, most people treat your veganism about as seriously as you treat it, in my experience.
I've never seen a variegated basil before; it looks lovely. Your purple basil looks wonderful, too!
In my own experience, I've noticed that people really respond to persistence as well. Even though I've strayed from veganism from time to time over the last three years, I have continued to present myself as vegan when I'm at gatherings with my father's side of the family. This has worked really wonderfully. Sometimes my dad's wife will cook me something vegan, or adapt a recipe she's already making (like setting aside a portion and using veggie stock and Earth Balance in a stuffing recipe for Thanksgiving) which I of course appreciate but I think the best part is that I'm just not expected to eat food that isn't vegan. My stepmom's mother tends to forget and offer me cookies with butter or something and my stepmom or dad are always there to remind her, which is a big help when you're trying not to offend elders, for example.
So I guess I'm just advising that you present a steady front and stick it out. Even if you really feel the need to eat some dairy once in a while on your transition, staying vegan around others can be very helpful. (Unless this makes you binge behind closed doors in which case DON'T DO THIS.)
Well, my response to L is that someone has to get the ball rolling. A really easy way to deal with stress is to realize that we can't control other people, places or things. Then let it all go. Not the easiest thing to do at first, but really liberating when you get it down.
I just tell people I prefer not to eat meat. Family members know where I'm at, but I don't push the issue unless I'm cooking or someone else is cooking for me. I also don't clean up after the meaters. For the most part I don't eat out much and when I do my conversations about my food choices are between me and my server. After all, it's thier job to make sure I'm happy with my restaurant experience.
People in our lives may or may not come along with us in all this. Someone else's life is thier trip, though, not ours. We just need to do the best we can with where we are at and who we are and how we live in the world.
Oh, and remind others when they try to navigate us, that we have a path we've set out on and we'll do our own steering. Love speaks volumes where shouting is never heard.
blessings and peace, Pammie
Hmm regarding the first question - my partner's family always makes snarky remarks about vegetarianism and our friends always buy stinky meat foods. We're not as opposed to it but we'd rather they didn't. At first we tried to defend how we felt about our diet morally, now we find it's easier and more acceptable to people NOT to call yourself a vegan until people understand your diet. Until then just say that it's been making you feel better cutting out the animal products, after all millions of people can't eat dairy, it's not a natural food, and hundreds of people cut out meat purely for health reasons. So I'd say until people are happy with what you're doing, go with the personal health issue and people won't get up in arms about the animal rights/"crazy vegan" side of things.
About putting on weight, so many foods I ate when I was an avid meateater are vegan. Heinz baked beans on brown bread, delicious, I don't have to compromise. Cold noodle salads, why not cook up some penne and then throw in a nice vinaigrette and sweet potato? Simple, delicious, vegan. I just think in the terms of this poster they need to plan ahead and always have a back up plan in the fridge when other people threaten to compromise that mentality. Being prepared at the start until everybody accepts you're NOT going back is amazingly useful. I'd say, cook up large batches of vegan food, freeze it and then bring it out when you're traveling or if you have friends over who don't want to cook vegan food. :)
On the non-dairy milk thing, I find that brown rice makes the cheapest, most useful milk, and since I blend it in the pitcher with the stick blender, there's almost no mess at all.
(1 cup cooked rice, 4 cups water, optional dash of salt, optional vanilla, optional sugar. I like mine without salt/sugar/vanilla.)
You asked what we had in our garden. Three varieties of tomato; two varieties of pepper; three varieties of lettuce; yellow squash; zucchini; peas; two varieties of cabbage; green beans; lima beans; three varieties of potatoes; pickling cucumbers; butternut squash; eggplant; and three varieties of corn. I love gardening!
I know you use apple sauce in your recipes for baking, I've also heard that you can use prunes. Have you ever tried this?
Hey Ashley, yes. Just take canned prunes and puree them in a blender. You can use them instead of oil or apple sauce in a recipe.
Hi Susan,
What a nice post. I love the Q&A format, and the lovely pictures from your garden. I've been thinking of blogging about my garden too...
For L,
I have a few thoughts. First of all, I **really** recommend the book called "Becoming Vegetarian." It's a really nice book that is fun to read, and gives you all the information you need about being a healthy veg*n. That way, you are more likely to be eating healthy & not getting tired or gaining weight.
Also, my partner of 7.5 years is still a meat-eater (In fact, I just sat and watched him and his brother eat two medium rare steaks!! ick). I always come back to this idea that in order to maintain peace of mind, we should learn to celebrate for others when they are happy - even if I don't approve of the source of their happiness.
My experience is that this attitude actually makes people feel much less hostile or threatened by my being vegan. Because I am not challenging them or critiquing them, they feel more open to ask questions about my diet.
Like Bazu, I've found that some of the most critical and resistant family members are now totally cool about it. Over the years I have made an effort to:
- give people veg*n cookbooks, so that they will know what to make if I am coming over
- always offer to bring something along to meals (and make sure it's *really* tasty, so that they will have a positive impression of vegetarianism)
- makes lots of delicious treats and meals and sweeties for family members so that they can see I am not leading a lifestyle of desperation
- stay informed about what I need to eat/do to be a healthy, flourishing vegan... so that I can continue to prosper with this diet.
That book "Becoming Vegetarian" also has a lot of nice information about dealing with families, pot lucks, eating out, raising children... I really loved reading it. There's also "Becoming Vegan" if you or any other comments-readers are interested.
Good luck with your journey, and I hope it can feel like a nourishing choice for your body & your heart.
Amey
Hi Susan
Lovely format, the Q&A. Very jealous that you even have green tomatoes on your plants. Here in Scotland, I have just planted my tiny little plants outside!
For L - my partner is a meateater but he loves 'vegan' food. He eats his meat outside the house or when we have bbq (have two separate grills). It doesn't bother me if people bring meat to the house, or keep in the fridge or use my saucepans - hey, all these things wash clean! Veganism is my choice and I go quietly about it, don't preach or lecture. Seems to be working as I had converted a number of folks in the 17 years I've been veg*an. My only advice - preparation! Bring your own food places, give the restaurant a quick phone before you go to see if they'll make something for you, carry a little bag of nuts / seeds, cereal bar etc with you to stave off hunger if you can't find anything. And don't get hung up or guilty if you inadvertantly eat something with an animal product in it - we've all done it! It doesn't make you less of a veg*an. Good luck!
ZodieXX
to that last comment poster - so true! haha, i can remember the first time i inadvertantly ate something with an animal product in it.. i felt so ashamed! ;P
to susan - which brand of soymilk do you buy when you dont make it yourself? just curious . . . *gets pen and notepad ready* :)
When I worked at Mcdonalds, I would shock quiet a few vegan/Vegetarians when I told them that one of the ingredients in the french fries was actually beef flavoring.
I can understand eating something non-vegan on accident, they hide animal products in the oddest places!
anevayblue, I'm afraid I vary brands depending on what's on sale. The ones I buy the most often--and the ones that taste the best to me--are Kikkoman Pearl and Soy Dream.
Cool- I like this question and answer post. Hey we don't all cook up new and exciting meals every day, or even every week for that matter. Can I just tell you how jealous I am of your garden. Even though you say you don't have much or a big yard- it's much better than mine I tell you. I live in a duplex and share my yard with my neighbor who has lived here longer and has deemed our entire backyard his dogs' toilet- gross! So I can only pot garden and I'm so used to having a garden at home with my parents that it's very sad. I didn't realize that there's so many different types of basil. I only have a few pots of stuff right now and one of things is lavender which I notice you have too. But the problem is that I have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Any suggestion. (by the way I just love all the garden photos and I look forward to seeing these foods on a plate, haha)
I wish I had advice for L, but I often find myself in the same spot. It can be very difficult to discuss veganism with family and friends especially when they're criticizing and closed. Hopefully over time, we can just show by example how and why we've chosen veganism.
-Teresa
Susan - great post! I wish I could help L, but I struggle with the family thing. My other half's family if very understanding and adventurous in eating.
My family - notsomuch! It's typical burger, brats, hotdog fare over there. Although I eat meat from time to time, I'll bring a new dish each time I visit - a salad, an appetizer, something new! That both introduces them to a new dish and gives me something to eat. I don't think they will ever understand and that's fine with me.
-Crystal
I loved reading this post...because it answers the most asked questions a vegan gets!
PS...loved the Roasted Veggie Napoleons! Made them last night (in my new kitchen!) and they were fabulous!!!
L.,I would prepare a vegetarian meal you know you like when your mother in law comes to visit. That way, you won't be as tempted.
Susan, I read your blog & posts on mailing lists but seldom speak up -- I wanted to drop a line to say your variegated basil picture inspired me: I managed to find some at the garden store today and couldn't go home without it ;)
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